Spring time was always my favorite season, fall second. I smiled all the way down the stairs and out the front door. We had a talk on the new order at the next assembly and I loved sitting there dreaming about the animals I would be able to play with. I wanted an elephant and a panda, I wanted a tiger as well. Naive as a child, it sickens me as an adult.
I loved going to the assemblies so many people! And there was pizza at lunch time. that is if we could afford it. Sometimes my mother would just pack a lunch. My dad would get up early and and make egg McFrankies a Homemade version of Egg McMuffins, and we would eat em on the way to the assembly hall.
I decided that day that I would treat myself and spend my lunch money at the candy store. Back when you could get a little brown paper bag stuffed full of actual penny candy. Some were 2 for a penny! A dollar, went a long way! I went in and quickly got my usual mix. Root beer barrels, swedish fish, cherry coins, and a pixie stick or two.
I slipped them into my book bag and pulled out a tract. These little pieces of paper covered in brightly colored pictures of smiling families in paradise designed to suck a "house holder" or "non believer" in, and sell them our "idea" or religion.
I couldn't tell you now which one it was but this poor woman got one from me every time I came in. I smiled and held it out to her behind the counter. She and her husband had run the candy store for Many years. She smiled politely and took it from me putting it on the counter next to the register.
"Aww thank you, I can read it at lunch! You have a good day at school!"
"Your Welcome" I said, I can feel the grin on my face even now. I felt so proud to be spreading the "good news of God's Kingdom". I waved and went out the door the bell cracking a little too hard against the glass as I left turning before closing the door "And Thank you!"
I vaguely remember that feeling. Knowing I have a bright future. Sure that God loved me and my family was happy. We were at that time. My sister was just starting school, and I was going to be hitting second grade in the fall. But I hoped that Armageddon would come! Then I wouldn't have to go to school with people who I was assured were out only to harm and corrupt me. I wasn't allowed friends.
"Just be friendly Lilith, if you get scared call on Jehovah, and he will protect you.." This was the advice given to me by my mother, the old "turn the other cheek" line of bull shit. I cannot tell you how many times this got my ass beat in school.
I did this, however, on several Occasions. I would sit obediently outside the classroom at a desk painting or drawing. While the children in the room sang happy birthday to a classmate and had cake and punch. This usually resulted in ridicule from my Peers. How convenient! It succeed in Alienating me even more. Anyone who showed interest in being my friend was either run off by my preaching to them about The Organization, or they repeated "no" to invitations to parties and activities with them and their families. What felt like "good Christian Behavior" now sickens me. How much does a child know? Really? It didn't matter, at seven I was more sure about my future than most Graduating Seniors.
As the school day ended I walked out with that smile and a little of the candy left. I walked down the street to home I passed a house. The house I would fantasize about owning after Armageddon. It was a game we all played while out in the door to door ministry at times. And do not let any of them bullshit you on it. They will tell you they did not but they do that because it "Sheds a bad light on God's Organization". So when they come to your door the smiling faces do not seem so pleasant and seem more like the truly Borg like twisted, tho for most of the "rank and file" unintentionally maniacal harbingers of falsehood they are.
We really would Pick out houses on the route that we would like to live in after Jehovah God killed the non believers who lived there. Especially if the people who answered the door were rude, we labeled them "Goats" as opposed to "sheep" and would, if the house was pretty or not, basically fantasize or cast "lots" to decide who would get the house after Armageddon came and killed everyone who wasn't one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
It was a large gray house, and it had the white fence around it and little garden decorations. I dreamed about living there with my Elder husband. I mean, we surely will have deserved it after serving Jehovah God faithfully for our whole lives? Would we not? (canned applause)
Only Jehovah's Witnesses will get that, Only Ex Jehovah's Witnesses will laugh.
I stopped in front and smiled at the fantasy as a big black and white cat turned the corner on the huge wrap around porch and mewed. it sauntered down the stairs slowly and rubbed its side against each spoke on the railing. Oh! if it comes soon maybe that kitty would be mine! It slipped through the fence posts and to me. I ran my fingers through its hair and picked any thistles that were stuck in its fur. It cooed against my leg purring softly as if it knew I was doing it a favor. I remember another feeling too. Sinking in the pit of my stomach. How will this kitty survive all of the destruction? My mind flashed to the scenes in The books we had been studying at the Kingdom hall and in "My Book of Bible Stories" How horrible gods anger will be for this wicked world.
This poor kitty, so sweet and lovable. I looked up at the house and saw someone move in the front room through the big picture window with Prisms and Humming birds hanging from those little plastic suction cups on the inside. The sinking melted away and a child's mind became resolved. I have to save them to save this kitty! That's OK, I thought to myself, there are Many houses that I can choose from. I can come visit!
I looked in my school bag and there was several tracts left. So, I slipped my hand in my bag and held on to the corner of one like my mother taught me ready to draw my "Weapon" as soon as its needed. In defense of God's Kingdom! (and all innocent cats everywhere!) I stepped up to the door and rang the bell the cat still circling my feet and purring happy to have the knots out of his fur. the door opened and a woman stepped into the early evening light. She looked left to right and to me smiling up at her like some reincarnation of the Children of the corn.
"Hello? What do you need?" it was perfect! I was armed for this very question! She smiled at me as I was suddenly filled with joy and spouted;
"I need to preach the good news of the Kingdom! I need to show you what the earth WILL look like very soon!"
I slipped the tract out of my bag with perfect grace. A Warrior drawing his sword at the moment of attack and striking down with the most perfect form. I held it out to her and smiled my finger placed pointing directly to the family on the cover.
"We will live peacefully with each other and the animals God made!"
She took the tract from me and then looked over it to my beaming face.. Her chuckle was genuine.. If anything I think I had brightened up her day in a way that is a testament to a child's innocence and good nature. The smile didn't leave her face, as she took a deep breath of the spring air and then a slight frown darkened her face a bit and her eyes softened even more.
"Where are your Parents? You are way too young to be out here doing this without an adult." She crouched down eye to eye with me and took my chin between her thumb and forefinger. "Thank you for this wonderful message. but you need to get home. I'm Sure your parents are worried about their very special daughter."
I remember her words. I remember thinking that this woman sees the beauty in my message in God's Kingdom! I smiled at her.
"This is what they want me to do.. This is what God wants us ALL to do!" She smiled a little wider and put the tract in her pocket, Reaching in deeper and pulling out a quarter.
"Here this is for the tract. No more candy!" she tapped gently on my other hand which still clenched the single root beer barrel and several cherry coins i had left.. "School got out over a hour ago. You mother must be worried."
I Smiled and nodded, turning to walk off the porch slipping the quarter into the smaller pocket inside my book bag. Told her to have a good day, and as I walked down the path to the sidewalk I started thinking. How many more people need to hear this message? How many more are there I can cheer up and give this news to? I looked down the street and realized. There are Dozens of houses from school to home! I will preach on my way.
By the time I turned the corner to my block I had called on every door for three. Most of the reactions were the same, now that I think about it, they were identical. I had a book bag full of money to cover the cost of printing. At the time we charged for the magazines. Flat out, none of this donation bullshit. I even had a return visit or two.
I looked up and saw my mother as she saw me..
"OH Thank you Jehovah!" She screamed and ran to me.. Passing several houses on the way. She grabbed me hugged me so tight the brown bag of candy exploded all over the sidewalk...
"Lilith, Where have you been? School has been out for 2 hours." I reached in my bag and grabbed a handful of the money in it. To a little girl it was a lot of money! To an adult it was, in the early 80's, a weeks worth of gas. Today, its a Morning coffee for two.
"I placed all my tracts mom! I have 2 return visits!" I held the money out to her the brown bag still dangling from my finger and thumb. She took the money and looked at me. The fear melted from her face to pure Pride. While she stared at the money I picked up my root beer barrel. It was wrapped therefore safe! I peeled the wrapper off it and put it in my mouth.
"You went door to door?" Her expression went to joy and her pride grew. "Oh my goodness Lilith, Such a good Witness. But you cannot go alone! You need an adult to go with you Lilith, remember go two by two..." She slipped the money in her pocket and took my book bag. "Go in and get changed. Dinner soon, your dad will be home and we need to get our book bags packed for the assembly. We leave at 6 am tomorrow."
"yes Mom!" I started up the stairs then stopped turning around and clutching the railing "Are we packing lunch mom or buying tickets?" Her face twisted a sec. very exaggerated and sarcastic playing with me as if she were thinking really hard to decide something that her and my father knew long before she sent me to school this morning... As soon as the words, "we are buying tickets" left her mouth I was galloping off into the house to get ready!
Pizza for lunch!
I grabbed my Meeting bag, which also doubled as my field service bag, and dumped it out on my bed. As I organized my bag I heard my mother on the phone.. "She's OK." her voice changed and again as a child it was a joyful exchange to me. "She went door to door" I could hear my Aunts voice even from my bedroom come over the receiver and it made me laugh. They were proud of me, tho also I could tell by the tone of my mother's voice as the conversation went on she was also very relieved that I was not hurt.
"Jehovah was with her." her voice trailing off as if to keep me from hearing "What if someone took her.. I would die." I couldn't understand why she was so worried.. Jehovah protects his people. Like Moses. In my book, and Noah and his family.
He would not have let anyone hurt me would he?
My sister wobbled into the room. She turned four quite recently and the paper bag my candy was in sat on the bed next to my book bag. Even at four she knew what that bag was and she frowned as she inspected it. Her frown spilled into a smile as she found a cherry coin stuck to the inside.
She looked at me and curled her lips as if to ask for permission. I peeled it off the inside and made sure it was free of any paper slivers before telling her to close her eyes and open her mouth. She did and I stuck it to her forehead.
"there ya go!" I chortled and she laughed peeling it off popping it in her mouth and wobbling back into the living room to sit and watch cartoons.
The assemblies, they were the highlight of my childhood, and I still get a little pissed off about this. Seven years old and my best memories were sitting in a stadium or theater with 5000 or more other people just like me plugging in to get the encouragement from what they felt was the only source of Good and Spiritual Truth in the world, Nay, In the Universe.
Dramas, Little religious plays designed to teach us how to make the right decisions.. choose the right paths thru Satan's wicked forest. Growing up it was really my only chance, or so it seemed to a mind that had not been opened yet, freed of that collective, for making friends. I did so with as much zeal as I preached that day on the way home from school. I even had a Notebook and pen to write down addresses to gain pen pals. This was my only real opportunity at making friends, expanding my horizon. the bump left on yer head when you hit their boundaries never ever truly heals.
I remember my first real Friend. As innocent as I was, yet 10 times my age. Brother Koza, 70 years my senior and one of the anointed. He and I would sit and read stories out of my favorite book before the Sunday meetings. I would talk to him about my Elder husband and our life as special pioneers.
"You have it all figured out!" He would smile and put his hand on my head turning the page of the Bible Story book asking me questions. "Who made the big boat to keep his family safe?"
He would hold the book against his chest so I couldn't see the page he was looking at. "Moses!" I Squeaked his smile turning to an exaggerated frown. I always mixed those two up, "NOAH! Noah Noah!"
Smile returned to his face and he pridefully nodded and said "yes yes!" He was my best friend I loved him with all my heart. How lucky was I? A member of the 144,000 is teaching me! I asked him about it, a lot, as any child would of that age. Are you scared to meet God? Are you excited to Fight with Jesus? How did you know you were one of the anointed? How will you get there?
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